Sunday, February 27, 2011

the love you have for your child is so overwhelming. i can see how moms become overprotective and smothering. i don't want to be that kind of mom. help me Lord!

Sunday, November 08, 2009

this morning as i carried luke on my hip, scurrying around the kitchen getting ready for church, i had the thought, "i'm a mom! i'm tired and chubby and i'm a mom." and i was thankful.

new life happens every day all around the world, and it's wonderful. but when it happens to you, it's a miracle that changes everything.

Friday, October 16, 2009

this morning i was reading in Romans 16 about women who "work hard in the Lord." it was just in the closing remarks by Paul in his letter to the Romans, but it was how he described several of the women in the church, complimenting their commitment and effort for the sake of Christ. it made me want to be a woman who works hard in the Lord. it made me want to figure out what that means for me. how can i be that kind of woman? do i have to have a master plan to be that kind of woman? or is it enough to live day by day responding to what God calls me to do?

thinking through this idea, another passage jumped into my head. james 4:14: "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

that sheds light on the situation, but i still don't think this question has a completely black and white answer. should i never make a plan for anything? even paul was making plans for travel, etc. but maybe my commitment to serve him should simply start fresh every morning. and every plan i make to live and serve him, i submit back to him -- being willing to let go or redirect as the Holy Spirit leads me.

today, i pray that i will be a mom who works hard in the Lord, setting an example for Luke so that he will grow up to be a godly man who also works hard in the Lord.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Saturday, August 15, 2009

i'm learning to never become too fond of any outfit on a given day -- mine or luke's (our little boy). spitting up and diaper blowouts are just too common an occurrence. and, the timing of these unpleasant events is uncanny. it's usually about 3 minutes after i struggle to put him in a new outfit that he spits up. or i stay home for 6 hours and go out for 2. of course the diaper blowout happens during the 2-hour time frame when changing him requires major gymnastics on the back seat of the car or using one of those last-resort public changing thingies...

all in a day's work, i suppose. it's not so bad. his little explosions don't always force me to change his outfits, and i'm thinking of investing in more shirts for myself that are kind of a creamy oatmeal color...

Sunday, August 09, 2009

as a write, my little boy is trying to fall asleep. that means he's alternately crying and sucking his thumb. it also means i'm trying to concentrate, but not being very successful. i hate to hear him cry, though i know a few minutes of crying at the beginning of a nap is not going to scar him for life...

this is my first entry about life as a new mom. i've been married now for three and a half years. didn't get married until my early 30's. that was not part of my plan. i was expecting to be married by 24. that seemed reasonable to me, and it was a little later in life than my parents married, which seemed adventurous. having to wait until i was 32 was not my idea of adventurous. i hated waiting.

but this isn't a blog about waiting to get married. it's a blog about being a new mom - a place in life i'm very thankful to be. so far, motherhood has brought me great joy. it has also unearthed a bunch of new insecurities, revealed new challenges, and opened my eyes to the kind of love God has for us, for me -- something i'm sure i will spend my whole life trying to comprehend and accept.

even now, having experienced the depth of love i have for my son, i still struggle to believe how much God the Father loves me, His daughter. reading Scripture this week, a verse popped off the page at me: "are not two sparrows sold for a penny? yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father." (matthew 10:29)

it's kind of depressing to think about a sparrow "falling to the ground." what does that mean anyway? is he dead? did he break a wing? because it's a part of God's will, does that mean He made it happen or let it happen? for now none of that matters to me as much as the fact that God knows when it happens. the next verse says that God knows how many hairs are on my head (not sure why that is helpful information in life, but it's pretty cool that God can know that). and the next verse tells me not to be afraid, that i am worth more than many sparrows. hmmm... even though this passage seems a little random around the edges, the Holy Spirit still spoke to me through it, and reminded me that God does love me and cares about the littlest details of my life. it also means that He knows about/cares about my concerns as a mom - which right now consist a lot of making sure my son is healthy and safe, eating properly and sleeping well. it means God knows that i worry about my little boy breathing through the night when i'm not there to watch him (as though me watching him enables him to breathe). he doesn't even have trouble breathing - i just worry about the possibility of him having trouble.

so, it's okay for me to pray about something that seems ridiculous or conjured up in my "new mom brain." my fears may be unecessary, but they exist and God knows that. so i can tell Him about them and He will listen -- and lighten that burden if i let Him. because to Him i am worth more than many sparrows. and as much as i love my son, God loves both of us infinitely more.